Salvation Army Time She Lived in a Shoe

Tonight I am going to take my youngest daughter to see her birth mom graduate the first part of her sobriety program.  We are going to offer our support and to let my daughter share in a positive experience with both of her moms. I wish I could feel more excited about it, but we’ve done these programs before, each time hoping for a positive outcome that didn’t come.  It’s taken us a while to learn that living with someone with addiction issues is an exercise in living with ambiguity.  Sobriety is a tenuous thing and it’s struggles can wear down even the stoutest of hearts. And from where she is at, we are years away from knowing if her sobriety will be a success. This is an article sponsored by Gather App

I don’t want to go.  I will, but the real truth is that I don’t want to. It’s a very foreign environment, uncomfortable, and I want it to stay that way. That makes me seem uncharitable I know. But I put my time in when it comes to stuff like this and I’m exhausted from it.  I just want to spend some time in whatever peace and quiet my life affords me. So why am I going?  Many people have asked me that question, some more vocally than others.

Because she wants her daughter to have a memory of her being successful and I think in the years to come, that will matter to the daughter we both share. Because that daughter is going to have to come to terms with the knowledge of all the moments her mother was unable to meet the needs of her children, or even the most basic challenges of life, and why.  Because, one day, she is likely going to ask me what was done to help her mother and I have to be able to answer to that.  Because isolating people struggling to be sober usually condemns them to failure and I won’t tell our daughter that I did that.  Because she is my brother’s daughter, and against all hope, I still hope.  Because not to hope is to abandon the life of someone my daughter loves.

How much of your life with kids is about doing things that are right for them, but not necessarily what you wanted to do? I suppose it helps enormously that I had all these years of practice cooperating over the lives of my older kids with the triplets father. And that was after some very, very hard feelings.  It helped that I read an article during those times that addressed the fact that you didn’t have to be friends with an ex-something, you only had to work together. It’s business.  So I’ll go for my daughter, and I’ll wish I could be going more for my niece, but after all this long road, it is reasonable for the heart to exercise common sense and remain guarded. So I’ll go, because it tells my kids that it’s the right thing to do. And together, we’ll swim through the waters of ambiguity.

Written by Kerry Rupp in misc on Wed 07 December 2016.